Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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