My brain says no but my pants say off.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
