Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
