I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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