Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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