dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
