My underwear smells like fireworks.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Randomize
