i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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