So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
