Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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