she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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