Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
