I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
