NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
