Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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