Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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