she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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