If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
