Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
