I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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