hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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