4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
