so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
