Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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