How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
