Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
