and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
