get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
