During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
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Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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