Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
