so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
