Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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