is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
