Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There's even glitter on my cock...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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