i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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