Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
