i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
