I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
