Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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