im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
