I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
