I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize