Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
