Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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