I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
