My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
