i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
