I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
