Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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