so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
