**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
