So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
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Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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