I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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