I have demons in me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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