PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
