You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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