I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
