Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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