The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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