youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
