Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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