We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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