it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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