McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
