Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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