alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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