C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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