I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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