Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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