I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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