I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
