talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
