Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
this is an emotional support booty call
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
