You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
