In the future we'll all be gay
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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