I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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