someone threw a dead crab at me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
