How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
