I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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